Well, I have known for ever that I am pretty darn obsessive and dealing with this first week of deployment just proved it even more. I have not been able to really focus on anything other than sitting in front of my computer waiting for that little green light to show up saying he is online, the phone call or mailing him his care packages. Pretty darn pathetic how I let my life revolve around this little screen and the slight chance of some sort of connection with Shane. I still had the ability to do mundane tasks such as grocery shopping, doing laundry, and even a little home work(which I need to work harder at, finals are coming up), but beyond that I was useless. As a mom, luckily the kids were wanting to cuddle and hang out and chill just as much as I did; so they were not neglected. But the rest of my life was; it was all I could do to step out of my bubble and converse with anyone other than those in front of my face or Shane; not even my mom.
But there is a light to the ending of this past week; Shane is finally getting settled and God inspired someone to invent Skype. We are working out or schedules and I have seen him smile and laugh at least twice a day now for a few days. I can so do this; he is so strong when it comes to this deployment stuff and at times I just turn to mush; he gives me so much strength to stop feeling sorry for myself. He is really encouraging me to step out of my bubble (that I have a bit of even when he is not deployed) and to try to get out there to do things, meet people etc…I love that man so much and I could not have asked for a better best friend than I have in him. But alas that is the crux of the problem as well; he is so much a part of my life, of me, it takes a little bit to get into the groove of him not being directly here. But we are getting there I think. I feel like sharing how I feel today, I am smiling, feeling less anxiety and I am looking forward to going to lunch with some friends this week and having a Taco Tuesday with our FRG.
I just have to keep telling myself, we can do this; we have before, my friends are or have just done it; this is our life. Another week or two and things should be going pretty smoothly; we are getting there slowly but surely. I decided to blog about this, because I needed to in a sense hear myself say these things, to tell myself, what Shane has been telling me; we got a little less than 52 weeks and even less than that until half time!